Pack your (Saddle)Bags!

Ohh I am tired of Fat Mama Drama-- its mostly my own drama. I lose weight, I gain weight, I plan food plans, I decide I need to make friends with my fat and not diet. I deny
However this weekend really I just realized me and my fat can't be friends. Yes I will not loathe myself for it but the truth is, I don't like visitors to my house and this fat is NOT welcome. I cannot be in denial about this situation. I am so lucky that my husband never says anything (well I guess he is actually the lucky one there... castration would soon follow) and he still wants to get it on etc...
I would like to live in a world where I wasn't made to feel like a second class citizen because of being fat... however we DO live in a shallow world and I see changes... but its a slow moving change.

So today I am going to keep track of my food again. My goal is to not eat over 1800 cals a day. I have lots of other things I want to try.. I am a lifetime dieter. I lost 120 pounds back in 2003-2004. I right now am on a steady upclimb.

This weekend we went to this kind of uptight hoity ass shopping center because I won a $500 gift card there... Whoo hooo YAY me. I am so grateful for it! However not one of the stores in it that sell womens clothes sell above size 18 and that was NY&Co.. so not a woman's 18.
It sucked to leave with some lotion from Bath and Body Works as my booty for the day when Sparky (the hubs) and Spazzy (DD) had a bounty of great stuff!!

So I am sort of a Schizo.. I get an idea and its sounds fab..then it's not as fab and I quit.
But I am actually a weight loss expert! I have been successful so many times.
Today I am taking that step towards success of keeping track of what I eat... Goodbye denial.. my sweet sweet friend!